


A Struggle with Mental Health

by writingsNramblings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anorexia, Crying, Eating Disorders, Gen, How Do I Tag, Mental Health Issues, Recovery, Relapsing, could be read as slash if wanted but wasn't intended, she only shows up briefly though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24458545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingsNramblings/pseuds/writingsNramblings
Summary: "Tsukishima’s track record with healthy coping mechanisms and mental health was not great. Terrible, actually."orTsukishima has been struggling with an eating disorder. He relapses and Yamaguchi notices.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 98





	A Struggle with Mental Health

**Author's Note:**

> Big trigger warning here! This whole story is about an eating disorder! Please be careful.

_Tsukki isn’t changing in the locker rooms again_ , Tadashi noted as he walked towards the front of the school. _Maybe Tsukki just had something to do first. Maybe he really was meeting with a teacher like he had said. But he’s been making excuses like this for the last week and a half._

Tadashi groaned inwardly. He didn’t want to doubt his best friend, but he couldn’t help but worry. Tsukishima’s track record with healthy coping mechanisms and mental health was not great. Terrible, actually.

And the fact that he had been so tired recently and hadn’t even bothered to comment when Hinata brought a live kitten to practice concerned Tadashi. Turning the corner of the front gate to head home, he spotted Tsukki standing in front of a bench, headphones over his ears. Tadashi’s face fell into a deep frown. How could Tsukki have finished his meeting with a teacher, changed, and gotten to the gate before Tadashi arrived? He couldn’t have. _He was lying._

Tadashi didn’t want to believe that Tsukki wasn’t telling the truth, but the evidence didn’t add up in the blonde’s favor. The consistent excuses, the refusal to elaborate, and the fact that he finished what he was doing before Tadashi simply didn’t match the given story. He knew that if he tried to bring it up now though, Tsukki would close up even more, so he decided to try to continue on as he normally would.

“Hey, Tsukki!” Tadashi said, tapping the taller on the shoulder. The blonde pulled down his headphones.

“Yamaguchi.” 

“Ready to go?” 

A curt nod was the response he got. Their walk was silent, as Tsukki seemed to be deep in thought about something. That gave Tadashi time to study Tsukki’s appearance. He had started looking more sickly as of late. His skin was paler which only accentuated the growing circles under his once bright gold eyes. It seemed like all the coloring in Tsukki’s face had drained away. His cheekbones had also become more prominent and all that Tadashi could think was, _Has he been eating?_

Before he knew it, they had reached the split in the road and Tsukki was speaking. “Yamaguchi, have a good night.”

Thinking it odd that Tsukki hadn’t pointed out his staring, Tadashi blurted out, “Tsukki, do you mind if I stay over at your place tonight? It’s been so long since we last spent the night together. I doubt either of our parents would mind. Please?” His expression changed to one of a puppy, knowing how effective that look was.

Tsukki looked contemplative for a moment before nodding. “Sure. Come on.”

“Yay! Thanks, Tsukki!”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!” He said, not sounding sorry at all.

The rest of the walk to Tsukki’s house was very peaceful. As was normal, Tadashi carried out most of the conversation while Tsukishima inserted an occasional comment. When they entered the house, Tsukishima’s mother popped her head through the door to the living room saying, “Welcome home, Kei! Oh, Yamaguchi, I didn’t know you were coming over. Do you plan to stay the night?”

“If that’s okay, then yes.”

“You’re always welcome here!”

“Thank you!” Tadashi turned around to see that Tsukishima must have headed upstairs in the middle of the conversation without him noticing. “Oh,” he muttered, heading up the stairs quickly so he could get to Tsukki’s room. For some reason, he had a bad feeling.

Tadashi knocked on the half-closed door, entering the room. His bad feeling was partially relieved when he saw Tsukki sitting on his bed with his back against the wall, setting up a documentary on his laptop. Tsukki had already changed out of his school uniform in the short time he was out of Tadashi’s sight. Had that sweater always hung off of him like that?  
“Hey, how does the shark documentary sound? Or are you tired of that one?”

“No, I’m not tired of it. That one’s fine. Oh, Tsukki, do you have a pair of clothes I can borrow? Since this was last minute, I don’t have anything.”  
“You know where everything is. Go ahead.”

Tadashi walked over to Tsukki’s dresser, grabbing a sweatshirt off of the top of it. The sweatshirt was the one Tsukki always had clean and set aside for him when he came over, never seeming to actually wear himself. It was a simple grey sweatshirt that had a patch of Saturn sewn on over the heart.

Tadashi grabbed a pair of basketball shorts from a drawer, proceeding to change his clothes right there, believing that since they had been changing in the same room as each other for years now, that it would not bother Tsukki. It seemed he was wrong though, because when he looked back over towards the bed, Tsukki had averted his gaze, a scowl covering his face.

Confused, Tadashi sat down next to Tsukki, trying to look him in the eye. Tsukki, however, seemed resolute to ignore that fact, choosing to glare at the computer screen on his lap as he started the documentary.

 _Gosh. Why is this boy so stubborn?_ Despite being frustrated with the blonde, Tadashi continued to watch the documentary. It was interesting, even though he had seen it before.

The documentary was barely twenty minutes in when the figure next to him started hunching over before eventually collapsing to the side, no longer able to stay awake, even though it was barely past 6PM. Tadashi turned off the documentary, putting the laptop on the floor before laying down next to Tsukki, draping his arm across the blonde’s waist carefully.

 _It’s small_ , he realized. _When did his waist get so small? It certainly hasn’t always been like this._ Yamaguchi delicately shifted his arm higher. His breath hitched as he ran into the distinct shape of bones. _I can feel his ribcage. I could probably count individual ribs with how prominent they are. Oh, Tsukki, what did you **do**?_

Hugging the thin boy close, Tadashi let his thoughts run before eventually falling into a dreamless sleep. They’d talk about it in the morning, whether they wanted to or not.

When Tadashi awakened again, it was nearly two hours later and Tsukki was no longer in his arms. For a moment he panicked, wondering where Tsukki could have gone, before realizing that it was very likely that he was still in the house. Tadashi got up off the bed to go find Tsukki, but he spotted something that he didn’t remember ever seeing before.

 _Don’t snoop_ , Tadashi, he told himself. _But that’s definitely a new notebook. Something important could be in there._ Quickly weighing the pros and cons of opening this notebook, Tadashi managed to convince himself to open it. When he opened it, he was filled with dread.

The page in front of him was filled with numbers in a neat list. Dates and times were listed down the margins. One date had at least three times associated with it, always before school, directly after school, and before going to sleep. Beside each time was a number, a weight. 

Scanning the pages’ numbers, Tadashi flipped through the book. As the dates went on, the weights dropped.

**68.4Kg**

**66.9Kg**

**64.5Kg**

There were occasional notes dropped in, too. When a weight was marked even slightly higher than the ones before it, there would be a note written next to the number. Sometimes insults were written next to the numbers, others seemed to be reminders to eat less.

By the time Tadashi reached the end of the numbers, he was at the current day.

**1/20 - 7:31AM, 59.0Kg**

**1/20 - 7:59PM, 59.1Kg (Less)**

**1/20 -**

_This is horrible, Tsukki_ , Tadashi thought. _I wish you had talked to me, or someone, anyone. How could I not notice? How could it have gotten this bad again? This can’t wait until the morning anymore._

Closing the notebook, he went off to find Tsukki, who, oddly enough, hadn’t returned. Tadashi checked around the top floor, and with no luck finding the tall blonde, descended the stairs.  
Walking into the family room, he saw Tsukishima-san sitting on the couch. “Tsukishima-san, do you know where Tsukki went?”

“I believe he went into the back yard. Feel free to go back there and get him. It must be cold outside and I don’t believe he’s wearing a jacket.”

Tadashi walked towards the back exit, opening it slowly as to not startle the boy sitting there. “Hey, Tsukki. How long have you been out here?”

“Not long.”

“Please come inside. You must be cold.”

“I’m fine, Yamaguchi,” Tsukki said, but a shiver running through his body betrayed his words. Stubborn as always, Tsukki ignored that fact, and continued sitting on the porch, unwilling to move.

Tadashi sighed, accepting that sitting on a cold porch was his fate, and sat himself down next to Tsukki. It was fine. They had to talk anyway. “We need to tal-”

“Look at how amazing the stars are tonight,” Tsukki interrupted mid-sentence.

“Yeah, they are, but Tsukki-”

“You can see Ursa Major from here. Barely, but it’s there.”

“Tsukki, stop. We need t-”

“And the moon is gorgeous as well.”

“Tsukki! Stop it! I’m serious!” Tadashi shouted. “We need to talk.”

“Yamaguchi, whatever you want to talk about, can’t it wait until morning?”

“No, Tsukki, it can’t. I found your journal. I know you’ve been starving yourself again.”

Tsukishima’s body went rigid before he abruptly stood up, making a move to go for the door. “Tadashi, we are not having this conversation.” First name. He was serious. But Tadashi was too, and he was going to prove it.

Reaching out and grabbing hold of Tsukki’s too-thin wrist, he determinedly started talking. “Tsukishima Kei.” The blonde winced at the use of his full name. “I am not going to let you keep hurting yourself like this. I don’t know what happened to cause the relapse, and I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything sooner, but please,” Tadashi begged, “don’t let it be like last time. I will do everything in my power to help you, but I want to make this as easy on you as I can, and that’s not something I can do if you're not willing to try.”

Tsukishima turned around to face Tadashi. His facial expression showed nothing, but Tadashi could see the storm of emotion swirling in his eyes. “I know that I have a problem.” His voice came out deadpan. “I know that I should have told you, or someone. I know that what I’ve been doing isn’t healthy, and could easily land me in the hospital again or worse. _You_ need to know that this is my fault, though, not your’s. You should not be blaming yourself. I hid it. I did not want you to know I had relapsed.”

“Tsukki...”

“I don’t know how successful I will be, but for you, Tadashi, I am willing to try again.”

Tadashi choked out a sob, tears trailing down his face. He was so proud of Tsukki for being willing. 

He knew it would take a lot of effort, and he knew there would be more relapses. Recovery was a long journey with many steps and bumps in the road. This wasn’t the end of this, and they both knew it. They both knew there would be days that Tsukki couldn’t look in the mirror, days where he could barely eat anything. They both knew that love and care wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , fix everything, but Tadashi would try. He would be there with Tsukki through everything.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I have written, so the characters may be a bit out of character. I'd really like to know how I can improve for future writings, so please feel free to leave some constructive criticism in the comments.


End file.
